What are the perspectives, experiences, and
insights of children who have grown up in non-traditional families? Do they think they are just like everyone
else? Are they comfortable with their
families? Do they long to see their
lives reflected in the world around them? These questions are of concern to many
Canadians who find themselves thinking about the meaning of family.
I
am Polyamorous. For the last two decades, I have been involved in various forms
of queer, consensual, multi-partner relationships. Polyamory is also described as consensual, ethical, and
responsible non-monogamy. So when an opportunity presented itself
to write about Polyamory and multi-partnered relationships for a Queer Theory assignment in grad studies,
I did not hesitate to pursue it. However, my attempts to locate English language
children’s literature that explicitly portray (both visually and textually) polyamorous
and multi-partnered family structures revealed not only an absence of relevant materials
but even an absence of tools to locate, situate, and categorize such materials
within the Halifax Public Library Network (HPLN); neither the
staff nor the computer system had the tools or even the language to assist me,
and the gap was openly acknowledged. Instead, I found a plethora of children’s
literature representing a dominant narrative of family and kinship based on a
normative ideology of monogamous coupling. It would seem that my experience and frustration is neither unique nor surprising as it is echoed within many online polyamorous discussion groups and blogs. For many polyfamilies seeking children's literature that speaks directly to their lives and realities, they often come up empty handed.
For scholars who are doing queer
theoretical work on family and kinship structures that exist outside dominant
narratives – including polyamorous and multi-partnered family structures – this
absence can pose a challenge. For those seeking to further contemporary
scholarship, including feminist, queer, and critical race theories and
media studies discourse, this absence reveals a false narrative of inclusivity.
In my queries, four illustrated children’s books were recommended by HPLN staff and online poly discussion groups to introduce and discuss general themes of polyamory and polyfamilies to children; Six-Dinner Sid (Moore 1991), The Little House that Ran Away from Home (Claude Ponti 2001), Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies (Lindenbaum 1991; adapted from Swedish to English by Gabrielle Charbonnet); and Raf and the Robots (Cornor 2014). Of these recommendations, none of these texts are marketed as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) books and/or explicitly portray polyamorous and multi-partnered family structures. In Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies, a little girl is worried the other kids in her playgroup might not be accepting of her seven little (toy doll sized) daddies. In the end, she finds she had nothing to worry about. Six-dinner Sid is about a cat with a big appetite that, by the end of the story, belongs to six different families who does not mind sharing him. The Little House That Ran Away from Home is about a house that looking for a more compatible owner. It leaves its nasty occupants, befriends Huff, a collector of noises and the two of them find a perfect spot to settle down, as well as a wife for Huff: Puff, who collects smoke plumes. They live happily ever after and have many children together. Raf and the Robots is deliberately set in an ambiguous unconventional family, where young Raf learns about getting his timing right. The family in the book could represent a number of real family situations - a poly family, a couple with a donor or surrogate, a blended family with an involved ex, sisters living together, or many other configurations – but it is not stated explicitly. Needless to say, the absence of polyamory and polyfamilies in children’s literature is striking and noteworthy.
Unapologetic in my refusal to accept established metanarratives of our times, I gleefully approach the socializing world of children’s literature by asking the following questions; Why does the absence of polyamorous and multi-partnered family structures in media and popular culture matter? What might kinship look like through a queer lens if diversions from the dominant status quo were depicted? What happens when we push polyamory and multi-partnered family structures in intersectional directions so that notions of kinship and power come into resolution in multiple and contradictory ways?
In “The Perversions of Children’s Literature”, Natasha Hurley asserts that “to read child characters queerly may not, in fact, be the same thing as reading children’s literature queerly” (2011:123). While I agree that there is much to be gleaned from reading children’s literature queerly, to stretch the bounds of how we imagine young people and their lives, I feel this may not go far enough. Instead, I offer One, Two, Three, More Love; a queer Polyfamily children’s text – a universalizing rather than a minoritizing move, as Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick would call it – with the aim of not just thinking impossible things but saying them, and refusing the demands of normativity on young people and their texts, by writing polyfamilies into existence for as Nikos Kazantzakis so eloquently states, “by believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired” (1965:434).
In my queries, four illustrated children’s books were recommended by HPLN staff and online poly discussion groups to introduce and discuss general themes of polyamory and polyfamilies to children; Six-Dinner Sid (Moore 1991), The Little House that Ran Away from Home (Claude Ponti 2001), Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies (Lindenbaum 1991; adapted from Swedish to English by Gabrielle Charbonnet); and Raf and the Robots (Cornor 2014). Of these recommendations, none of these texts are marketed as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) books and/or explicitly portray polyamorous and multi-partnered family structures. In Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies, a little girl is worried the other kids in her playgroup might not be accepting of her seven little (toy doll sized) daddies. In the end, she finds she had nothing to worry about. Six-dinner Sid is about a cat with a big appetite that, by the end of the story, belongs to six different families who does not mind sharing him. The Little House That Ran Away from Home is about a house that looking for a more compatible owner. It leaves its nasty occupants, befriends Huff, a collector of noises and the two of them find a perfect spot to settle down, as well as a wife for Huff: Puff, who collects smoke plumes. They live happily ever after and have many children together. Raf and the Robots is deliberately set in an ambiguous unconventional family, where young Raf learns about getting his timing right. The family in the book could represent a number of real family situations - a poly family, a couple with a donor or surrogate, a blended family with an involved ex, sisters living together, or many other configurations – but it is not stated explicitly. Needless to say, the absence of polyamory and polyfamilies in children’s literature is striking and noteworthy.
Unapologetic in my refusal to accept established metanarratives of our times, I gleefully approach the socializing world of children’s literature by asking the following questions; Why does the absence of polyamorous and multi-partnered family structures in media and popular culture matter? What might kinship look like through a queer lens if diversions from the dominant status quo were depicted? What happens when we push polyamory and multi-partnered family structures in intersectional directions so that notions of kinship and power come into resolution in multiple and contradictory ways?
In “The Perversions of Children’s Literature”, Natasha Hurley asserts that “to read child characters queerly may not, in fact, be the same thing as reading children’s literature queerly” (2011:123). While I agree that there is much to be gleaned from reading children’s literature queerly, to stretch the bounds of how we imagine young people and their lives, I feel this may not go far enough. Instead, I offer One, Two, Three, More Love; a queer Polyfamily children’s text – a universalizing rather than a minoritizing move, as Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick would call it – with the aim of not just thinking impossible things but saying them, and refusing the demands of normativity on young people and their texts, by writing polyfamilies into existence for as Nikos Kazantzakis so eloquently states, “by believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired” (1965:434).
References:
Cornor,
Sarah (2014). Raf and the Robots. Stories for Unique families.
Hurley, N. (2011). The Perversions of
Children's Literature. Jeunesse: Young People, Texts, Cultures, 3(2), 118-132.
Kazantzakis, Nikos (1965). Report to Greco.
Bruno Cassirer, Oxford.
Lindenbaum, P. (1991). Else-Marie and her
seven little daddies. Douglas & McIntyre.
Moore, I., & Sallis, P. (1991). Six
Dinner Sid. Simon and Schuster Books for Young Readers.
Ponti,
Claude (2001). The Little House that Ran away from Home. In Little Lit 2:
Strange stories for strange kids. Spiegelman, A., & Mouly, F. (Eds). New
York: HarperCollins. 21-24.
Sedgwick,
Eve Kosofsky (1990). Epistemology of the Closet. Berkeley: University of
California Press.
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